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Fantasy Football: Boldin Beautiful League Results, Week 1

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Someone Always Wins.

Week 1 is in the books and in sports, someone always wins and someone always loses. Because as we know, there are no ties in fantasy football. There is, however, trash talk, big stakes, and a lot of tears when your team loses. Commissioner Craig G., the SF 49ers fan of the league, beat Josh W. by nearly 20 points.  The Commish’s top player performer of the week was WR Calvin Johnson of the Detroit Lions. Johnson had two touchdowns and 164 yards receiving in a Monday night win over the NY Giants. FTS would list the team names but they are really NSFW. Let’s review the rest of the matchups.

Monday, Sept. 8, 2014. (AP Photo/Rick Osentoski)

Mario G., one of the newest members of the league, beat Team Brandi with a total score of 111 points. Team Mario got outstanding contributions from his running backs, Le’Veon Bell and Marshawn Lynch. If FTS were league commissioner we would dock this pair points for their lack of creativity on team names.

In the week’s third head-to-head matchup, Rich’s ‘SUH girls 1 Cap’ lost to Joel and his ‘Catch Me I’Ballin’ team 100-67.  Joel got unexpected contributions from QB Andy Dalton and WR Cordarelle Patterson.  Larry didn’t even know who Cordarelle Patterson was, but Larry also doesn’t know what Molly is or any other hip young lingo.  Larry, FTS recommends you listen to more rap and less Billy Joel.

Close Only Counts in Horseshoes

Paul M’s ‘Me Seahorny’ team beat Larry’s fantasy squad by seven points, thanks to QB Matt Stafford and the Giants defense.  Larry would have lost by more, but in the Bonehead Move of the Week, Paul started RB Bishop Sankey over Shane Vereen.

In another matchup where team names should not be mentioned, George beat the duo of Mike & Brian 114 to 87.  George dominated the week with the historical performance of TE Julius Thomas of the Broncos.  Look out for George boys. Team Corn, which I believe was auto-picked, was the Biggest Loser with a grand total of 57 points. Corn left RB Chris Ivory and WR Jeremy Maclin on his bench, losing out on 31 points.  Epic Fail!!!


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